Gratitude: Thanksgiving

Recently, I attended a joint birthday party of two friends where the centerpiece was not ice cream or cake, but a Tambara. Now, a Tambara is not food, though to me it sounds like an exotic dish, like Tiropita, or Moussaka. But according to Ish, one of the celebrators, a Tambara is an indigenous altar, much like the mythical world tree that connects the three worlds: the upper world, middle world and lower world.

It was part of the gratitude ritual that the celebrators wanted to do so that they could give thanks for all the blessings they have received so far, and show openness for more gifts. Much like an extended version of the blowing of candles and making a wish that we usually do on birthdays.

The ritual took place in the garden where the bamboo Tambara stood, adorned with ilang-ilang, and draped with a  red cloth from the mountain province. At its foot sat a bulol woodcarving, itself festooned with flowers and flanked by baskets laden with rambutan, lanzones and bananas.

Under the orange rays of the setting sun, we gathered around the Tambara. Both celebrators, Ish and Rem, faced the Tambara, heads bowed in silent prayer, saying their thanks for blessings received and strength that helped them overcome challenges in the past. At the same time, they opened their hearts to what the future will bring. We formed an arc around them, holding lighted candles. Then one by one, we shared with the group our wishes for the two birthday boys. I don’t know about the others, but I felt like one of the good fairies in the Sleeping Beauty Fairytale. Afterwards, we went back in to the house and had cake, cupcakes, pasta, pastries, fruit  and the usual trimmings of a birthday party.

I think that this is a very nice way of celebrating one’s birthday, to really ritualize  gratitude for the gift of life and what it brings.

Today, Americans are celebrating Thanksgiving. We know that this is an even bigger Holiday for them than Christmas. I recall that when I was doing graduate studies in the US, my host family (a very young family- a doctor, his wife and and their toddler)  went out of their way to have Thanksgiving Dinner complete with Turkey for me. The wife's mother even flew in from New York to help. Thank you so much, dear Durnings. I can't find the picture of my first Thanksgiving Turkey, but it looked like this:

Photo from Greenaislegrocer

The Americans have hit on a very good idea of ritualizing gratitude. I am guessing that it is helping them get over the Financial Crisis of 2008 whose aftershocks are still being felt, as well as other catastrophes like Hurricane Katrina and Storm Sandy. Of course, gratitude alone will not solve everything, nor is it a substitute for hard work. But being grateful does put us in a better mood or frame of mind to do the needful.

Harvard Professor Shawn Achor said that being grateful helps people become happier. Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology shares this belief. And of course, my very own Mother subscribes to this. When I used to go to her with problems, she would tell me to count my blessings. It is not always easy to do so in the face of challenges, but I learned that making the effort is a good first step. In recent years, I had taken to writing a gratitude journal. Sometimes I skip when I am too busy, stressed or tired. But the journal does help. Even just looking at past entries makes me feel good.

We Filipinos have a lot to be thankful for this year. The country’s economic performance tops the list. The Philippines is now among the best performing emerging markets. Our Gross International Reserves are at an all time high, and so is our stock market. Interest on Government borrowings have been reduced, so this means our great- great grandchildren will not owe as much! Ha-ha. And remember, next year is an election year, and we have a chance to vote deserving candidates into office. Meaning those who will truly serve the country and not just appear to be doing so.

On a personal note, I am grateful for a loving family, a wonderful daughter, and new “glasses” with which to see the world and discover rainbows even after a storm. Sometimes, the glasses do become foggy, and I can’t always see the blessings as they come. But what can I say? Such is life, and as long as I keep on looking, I am sure the rainbows will turn up.

Just want to share  what I call the turkey's revenge from Norman Rockwell

From Saturday Evening Post by Norman Rockwell

How about you, what are you grateful for?

May we always see life’s rainbows.

James Bond: Ageless No More?

I am not really a Bond fan, because of the sexist way women are portrayed in the franchise: mere sex toys discarded willy-nilly in the kiss-kiss, bang-bang template.

But I have recently adopted the attitude of saying yes to new experiences, so I went along and saw the movie last weekend.

Craggy-faced daniel Craig in 2012's "Skyfall

This is not a film review, though. I just want to say that surprisingly, I liked "Skyfall". This was mainly because it showed a cerebral Bond Girl (M) and an ageing James Bond. No kidding. At least that’s how I perceived Bond’s run down looks, his failure to pass the physical and other exams, plus allusions to him being an antique that MI6 could no longer afford. The scene between him and the fresh-faced Q brings this point across.

Pierce Brosnan, Craig's immediate Bond predecessor

In earlier films whose trailers I have seen, Bond never seemed to age. In fact, Wikipedia describes him as ageless and cites that even in the Ian Fleming novels, his birthdate was a moving target of sorts, ranging from 1917 to 1921.  That would place him from 95 years old to 99 years old! 

Suave Sean Connery, the original 60's James Bond

Come to think of it, the original James Bond, Sean Connery, is now 82 years old. I guess to commemorate the golden anniversary of the film series, the makers at least had to recognize that the chap was getting on in years. On a deeper level, some critics have said that the Director Sam Mendes was influenced by Chris Nolan’s treatment of Batman as the Dark Knight. Others said that this was a reflection of our times.

Regardless of the reason, the movie showed a James Bond trying to rehabilitate himself and rise above his physical and psychological setbacks. More importantly, it showed that despite  Bond’s advancing years, the wear and tear on his body and the rise of technology as personified by the tech-savvy Mr. Silva, Bond’s experience, street smarts, and heart  wins in the end.

For someone past middle age like me, this is a heartening thought.  We can teach old dogs new tricks after all, even if the old dog happens to be ourselves. James Bond has shown that age does not automatically make us irrelevant. Our wisdom is important. Our spirit and our heart make a difference. True, there will always be younger, more eager colleagues who want a shot at our jobs in the workplace. There will always be younger men and women with an eye at our partners. But then we should never forget our self worth. We may have advanced in years, but that does not necessarily mean that we are expendable.

M- "Skyfall's Ultimate Bond Girl

Dame Judi Dench also made this point across as M. She refused to retire before she could sort out the mess that her agency was in. Some have called her the Bond Girl to end all Bond Girls. Now, isn’t that neat for those of us who have crossed the golden line?

Also, we are quite fortunate that here in Asia, senior citizens are revered for their wisdom. But to deserve this, we of course have to keep on improving ourselves and keep abreast of new developments. We should keep on honing our strengths and capitalizing on them. In short, we must learn to age gracefully.

May our hearts be filled with joy.

Weaving Dreams to Reality: Inspiration

What were your childhood dreams? Were there any that  did not come true? If so, have you given up on them?

Like most people, I have  some unfulfilled childhood dreams. Marrying one of the Beatles (preferably Paul or George) comes to mind.

Well, we all know how that turned out for me and millions of  other fan girls.

Fortunately, I had other, more realistic dreams. Some came true, and some did not. By  middle age however, I began to doubt if any of those unfulfilled dreams would ever come to pass. I read about and considered the concept of radical acceptance. You know, like accepting that one will never become a gymnast if at middleage one has not yet done anything about it. Then, there is also toning down your dreams. For instance, since I was not able to enroll in Fine Arts and become a real painter, I contented myself with taking short art lessons, and my watercolors now hang on the walls of …my home.

In counterpoint, I found inspiration in late bloomers like Moses and yes, Grandma Moses to keep on slugging it out. And now, there is Englishman Paul Torday. Mr. Torday, who spent his working life in the engineering industry, published his first novel, “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen” at  the age of 59. Yes, he was just about to become a sexagenarian, when his dream, long relegated to dusty drawers, was fulfilled.

Even more remarkable and inspiring is  that prior to “Salmon Fishing” his only other published work was a short story that came out way back in 1965 in a women’s magazine, practically a generation ago.

News reports quote Torday as saying that as he approached 60, he gave his dream one last shot.

Amazingly, after the first novel, the new author came out with one novel a year, as if tapping into a gushing fount of creativity and making up for lost time. He now has six novels to his name. As a bonus, “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen”  was made into a movie starring critically acclaimed actor, Ewan Mc Gregor.  (My daughter and I enjoyed the movie and its dry humor).

So there we have it. It is never too late to dream and to make them come true. As the saying goes,  it is too late only if we don't start today.

With fresh inspiration from Torday, I will continue to pursue my dreams one step at a time. I hope you will be similarly inspired.

May our hearts be filled with joy.

A Low-tech Blogger Strikes: Memory Booster

Have you ever run into an acquaintance at a party who gushed about how good was is to see you again, and you could not, for dear life, remember her name? That blooper happened to me recently. So, I decided it was time for some memory boosters.

We all know about the benefits of physical exercise, socializing, a good diet with lots of fish, and mental  calisthenics. The only problem with me is lack of ACTION. So I am now trying to incorporate most of these memory boosters in my life.

As a form of mental calisthenics, I chose to learn how to use the computer beyond word processing and email. I know, I’m such a Troglodyte. But hey, I’m guessing that some of us have children, grandchildren, or office staff who do the fancy things for us like Keynote, PowerPoint, iMovie, spreadsheets, graphs, etc.

This might sound silly, but the first thing I did was make a notebook using an old Economist Magazine cover especially for my notes on how to operate my laptop.

I have to jot down my daughter’s coaching/instructions. You see, I get confused and overwhelmed by all the icons, tabs and dropdown menus. Sometimes, okay- several times, I accidentally deleted files, or copied files in the wrong folders. Whenever those things happen, I remind myself that I survived catholic girls’ school (at least until first year high), and I won’t let this two-pound bundle of microchips intimidate me.

By referring to my notes, I have so far made two iMovie videos of pictures taken during family activities. Feeling more confident, I thought of blogging. So here I am, trying out for the first time, something that a lot of others have been doing for more than a decade. I feel the way I felt when I first learned to ride a bike. And like that long-ago time of scrapes, skids, and exhilaration, I intend to continue blogging, mis-steps, mistakes and all.

What about you, what kind of memory boosters are you doing?